Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
