dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
