DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So much rum. So many feels.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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