So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
