I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
