Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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