We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
How's work?
Spinning.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
