Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
