he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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