I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
