Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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