i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
