I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
