I wish I could teleport
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
