ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I could fuck to npr.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
COCAINE IS GR8
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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