At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
