I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
