Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
