Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
