just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
