well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
