Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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