i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
