oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
