There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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