No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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