Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
