im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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