drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
