Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
