i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
