"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
