I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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