I could have mohawked her pubes.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
