if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
