I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
