i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
