You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
