I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
