marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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