So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
