Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
If that was your dad, he is hot
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
