I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
third nipple confirmed
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
