if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
