he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
