I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
