Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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