I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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