he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
