So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I know her cup size but not her name....
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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