kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
