Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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