woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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