mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
