My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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