dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
